We've started going to the Salvation Army on Thursday mornings to help with serving breakfast to men & women living on the street here in San Jose. Other than the hysterical laughter at seeing one another's "really early morning" faces, we keep being given the blessing of some fantastic connections. We've been talking about the kingdom of God this week, my group mostly in Matthew 13, and so today we were praying a ton for the seeds of God's kingdom in their minds & hearts to take root & explode/expand in their lives. Would you mind lifting up Rosaura (name changed) today? There was something like a special timing about her, though we didn't talk more than for me to write down her name, but a tenderness to her, so please lift her up with me today, that the seeds that have been carefully, lovingly placed in her heart expand tonight, clearing her eyes a bit more tonight to the nearness of him. Thanks! I'm off to sweep the common areas.
We were told several weeks ago in the school that the greatest gift we could bring of transformation to any community is our life transformed. From this, people will be able to see a clearer picture of how God longs to transform their lives... ...this process of transformation is harder than I could expect. so so worth it, but i have to cling to his promises, that this time of transformation of our hearts is as he desires, to be able to hear him more deeply, be in his presence more completely, teaching us to love him more wholly...
Honestly, it's funny how tightly we cling to our understandings of the world. Even when confronted with truth in the Bible, even if we agree with the idea of the truth, it's hard to let go of the lies i fill my heart with! "But God!" we say "that wasn't how i experienced it at the time!" I keep saying "God, this is the reality I lived, and what you have to say says that it's different!" What I've been learning is so much that the actual enemy that hates our souls & hates every way of our being close to God will take any opportunity to lie to us. Sweet, seductive lies that feel phenomenal! and sound so close to the truth that we can't figure it out on our own.
God's been dealing with alot of lies I've allowed in unintentionally, even when I think I believe the truth! On one level I know & believe the truth, and yet deeper in my heart, my self clings tightly to the lie, holding on for all it's worth, though it's poisoning my heart... And God is so kind to me, telling me over and over again "honey, you cannot fix this issue. you must spend time with me and I will destroy the lie that is strangling you! I want to heal you!" This has been the toughest thing for me, to believe that God wants to heal my broken, smelly heart... I keep believing the lie "God has already done so much for you, and you still are a failure, how embarassing for you! You must feel so ashamed!"
I hear the truth, and I think "ok, all I have to do is say I believe this truth, and that will take care of my broken way of living." And then I explode. Again, and again. And when i don't explode, I implode. And I think "God, I'm spending so much time with you, I'm trying so hard, why is it still not working?!!" And so much of the time he says "shh. shh. tranquila. in the right time. keep staying with me. let me teach you in so many ways that I love you."
So praise you God. You keep bringing me to places where I have to face myself...
tonight´s gonna be a good good night! no, really, God is grand. full of surprises, and constantly sharing his goodness, whispering into my mind "tranquila. i love you. i´m with you. i know this is going on, and i see you. tranquila" so he fills my life with good good life.
i´m safely in costa rica, staying once more at the ywam base in san josé. it was a bit of an adventure to get here in the first place, egged on by the base just having moved clear across town in the last week, so all of the phone & internet systems have been a bit off, so had some trouble on communicating my arrival dates, so after a few hours waiting for a ride, God blessed me with a nice taxi driver who knew of a safe hotel with internet near the airport, so i spent a good night there, hoping that people would be able to receive my email telling them of my current predicament, and one of the guys from the base was able to pick me up early this morning on an airport run to pick up one of the other girls from the Community Development school, and we arrived on-base around 9:30. God´s full of kindness!!
the new base is a chaotic, ecclectic, wonderful place full of potential. i´m writing at an internet café, so i won´t get much into the details, but i have a place to lay my head, and great people to spend my time with. blessings come in giant packages. thanks God! i´ll write more. but thanks all for praying. it was such a blessing to see so many of you during the 3 weeks home. i´ll write again soon. much love!
Please pray for the gathering at my house this afternoon. For good time together, for clarity of thought for me, for my ability at sharing. More than anything for our Papa to feel content to sit with us awhile, that it be a time to bring him glory and not simply to be a lovely picnic on a Saturday afternoon. Again, if you can come, do. 1pm at my house in La Mesa. And if you do come, please bring a beach chair, I realized today that this was another gap in my planning :). If you don't come with chair, not to worry, we'll find something, even if that something has you sitting contentedly on a blanket, in the sunshine, holding some fizzy pomegranate drink.
So... this might have been one of my favorite moments. Two of the little girls in the bunch are Tulio & Norelia's daughters, so we've known one another for 9-ish months from being at the YWAM base together, so when we had a chance to visit their home village for a change, it was grand to see them include us so readily into game time. The girls had shown me their game of jumping up and flinging yourself down on the ground again. My limbs being oh so much longer than theirs, that my feet kept quite in motion after they had landed & fallen into a fit of giggles at my clumsiness.
Before the gathering tomorrow, I wanted to make sure to share a few pictures of what I talked about in the last post. This first picture is in the village of Los Saltos in the Darien province. This is the seat of political power within the Embera people group of Panama. Most elected chiefs over the whole people group set up office here and retire here after their 5 year service. We spent a week traveling around to various villages in the Darien Province with Tulio Rosales as our guide (a passionate guy who is part of YWAM and longing to inject in his people group a sense of how God truly impacts and transforms not only individuals but a whole community). It was during this trip, and a handful of other communities that I was able to visit over the summer that I sensed God moving me to notice what a difference a change in worldview and expectations of that world can make in a community for health and life and vitality, or towards lethargy or fruitless striving.
The girls in the picture were some that would hang around our thatch-roof platform hut and giggle at our strange behavior and habits. The hut in the background was one that - in the name of progress- chose to add corrugated metal sides to the house which only made the heat a million times MORE unbearable. Tulio would shake his head so many times during our travels and say something like "if only my people would understand the value of the traditional ways of life, and seek to bring changes that would enhance their lives, not simply do their best to mimic the [majority group]." He taught me and all of us so much in regard to what God can do in a community if only we would apply what we know of his plans and purposes in the Bible. And he'd tease us to embrace our inner warrior as he'd let out a traditional Embera warrior cry, telling us that from so many generations removed from our warrior ancestors, we all needed guides who are closer to their roots. Thanks Tulio.
This next picture is one of a set of traditional houses in Tulio's village of Errebache. I think you'd like to see the website the photogenX team worked so hard on with Tulio to share his village with, well, everyone. So check this out.
so this was initially an email to send out to people, but knowing myself, i thought it would be best if i included it here too, to try and actually just get it out :) so many posts and emails get stuck in dusty corners of my mind. if you can come, please do!
So here goes the letter...
It’s late afternoon. The rain taps heavily against our thatch roof. Fifteen feet above ground, our round covered platform keeps us dry in the hours-long rain. Geckos chirp from the wooden beams. The heavy tropical heat has been lifted for a bit as the wind whips rain into our open-air house. We sit here on our sleeping mats, preparing our talk for the village gathering this evening, absent-mindedly slapping at mosquitos amidst the giggle of half a dozen children sitting at the top of the ladder, waiting to see what we’ll do next. I translate another question…
I’ve had the priviledge in the 3 months since the end of my Discipleship Training School with Youth With A Mission Panama to be a translator for YWAM, assist in marketing and all-around support for an international arts & cultural festival called Una Voz (one voice) (http://www.unavoz.net) held on July 18, and working alongside a photography Discipleship Training School from A Voice for the Voiceless (a human justice focused branch within YWAM) whose heart is to utilize their photography as a means to advocate for those who are suffering injustice, such as human trafficking, sexual slavery, child prostitution & pornography. For 2 months I had the priviledge of working alongside this group as they shared a passion for speaking up for those who are silenced, many times speaking to groups who dealt with heavy struggles facing silencing of their own. We were approached by so many people inspired to share their own stories and their desire to find ways to reach out to those outside of their sphere, discovering strength in the power of God to transform lives.
It’s been a busy summer! Something God has been growing in my mind and on my heart has been the need to learn more about community development. Something’s brewing on his mind about where he’d like me to serve him, and all I can see are the many people and circumstances he has brought up in the last 4 months highlighting his next moves. I graduated from San Diego State University with loads of details of development of children & families (my major) and have had so many questions in my mind as to how to walk with him with my field of study, and at times during my Discipleship Training School with Youth With a Mission this past spring wondered if maybe I had misheard God when choosing my major in college. He laughed, shaking his head slightly, “No, you ridiculous girl, I’ve been guiding you all along through a preparation pathway you could never anticipate. Just wait for it, I’ll let you know. Keep seeking me.” He would say this over and over.
Finally, he confirmed his upcoming plans for my walk with him. I will continue with Youth With A Mission, but this time I will be going to the San José, Costa Rica YWAM base, going through a school called Foundations of Community Development. After a little over 3 weeks in San Diego, I’ll be flying out September 23 to begin 6 months of training both in lecture and field practice, learning to meld my training in child & family development with the broader focus of the community, and the need to disciple a community and walk with them in applying biblical principles before any changes of expression of foundational worldview become lasting in a community.
Please pray with me that God would raise friends who will commit to long-term prayer and financial support, that I can raise the funds needed for the school while I am still in San Diego, and that I may be able to sell my car for a fair price.
I’d love to share more with you and hear about your lives as well. Those of you who are available, I will be hosting a get-together at my mom’s house on Saturday, September 19 at 1:00pm to share some more about what’s been going on and where I’m headed off to. Please let me know if you are able to come.
The details:
Saturday, September 19, 2009 1:00pm La Mesa, CA RSVP: 619.414.0582 If you are able to come, please bring a small side to share. I will be providing drinks and entertainment.
If you are not able to come, please pray for our time together, and be well. And send me an email or facebook message, I’d love to hear from you.
forever since my last post, but i wanted to share a bit of the story of how dts went. chris collins put together this video to talk about our outreach, 2 months reaching out to people in panama, southern mexico & costa rica.
we forget sometimes how surprisingly compelling a game of jump rope can be in the middle of a crowded street. people stop & stare. people start talking. people start asking you to share what you're all about. and it's all good.
What is 800? 800 people for 6 days. Filling 800 bowls with 3 meals a day. Washing said bowls, cups, forks, knives spoons, pailas, 3x a day. skin peeling from all the detergent. bathroom clean-up for 800 youth. Welcoming committee waking at 3am to start welcoming with full band, horns, drums, fog horns red devil buses filled with youth from around Panama. Starting at 3 am, continuing on for every last bus from 3am to 5pm. Waiting in line for the showers behind 40 girls wanting to impress and be impressed.
But yet, bonding & gelling as a group more than ever before. Shared belly-laughs over yet another container filled with people's forgotten plates once you thought you couldn't wash one more thing. Crashing into your tent way too early, too zonked to play one more camp game. Moments of quietly walking off to the river while the campers are in yet another 4 hour conference in the early afternoon. Stories shared over the giant vats of cooking rice. Learning how to prepare Ohaldras for a billion people, or so it seems, at 4:30am. Learning, through yet another example, of how to live life in community, well.
It's beautiful here. Beautiful, noisy and busy. The trucks and buses rumble past on the roadway below, insects chirping melodies all throughout the day and night. We have a hot and sticky sun, with moments of fresh breath when we've had a bit of rain. We line up, bleary-eyed in the mornings for breakfast, line up to wash our dishes in the tubs lined up in the dining hall, run to our rooms for half-hour devotions, quick prep for our days, run to group activity, be it base worship, or intercession, or recreation. Ten minute transitions before 3+ hour class, line up for lunch again at the lunch triangle bell, head to group again for small group or drama practice or recreation (mandatory team sports) then a quick return to base to begin our daily chores. Two hours later the dinner triangle bell calls us back to the dining area to line up again. For all but the dinner clean-up crew it's free time then, with showers and reading and late-night games of Mao, though I think the group might be getting ready to branch out into other card games fairly soon! 7-up anyone?
We'll get into more meaty, interesting stuff soon, i'm sure. But for now, here's a framework for our days and weeks. Happy January everyone!
sticky nighttime, millions of crickets in the dark. flickering lights on the porch above my computer. the smell of insect repellent all over my skin. bites still covering much of me. new home. i wonder what God has planned for this time? i thought i had come with very little expectation, lots of expectancy. i'm finding that i may have created quite a number of wispy castles in my imagination about this time. mostly aware of those expectations as i meet up with slightly-off reality to compare them to. beautiful moments. lots of community life. lots of asking for patience and forgiveness. is this really the context in which we were told to love one another? to let on about our grounding through how we treat one another and intentionally think towards & about one another? maybe i'll add a post first after a good night sleep & cold shower. maybe i need to post right in the midst of all the moments. transparency...
Elizabeth, Brooke & I have just arrived into the community where we'll be doing our practical application to all we've learned in the community development school. Pray for vision, obedience, wisdom, discernment and unity as we walk into this thing.
From January 20 through early April Elizabeth, Brooke & I will be living in Bambu, Costa Rica, on the C.R/Panamanian border, a 30 minute bus-ride from BriBri, the capital town of the Talamanca Reservation area. Please pray for us as we go on this journey. It's sometimes awkward to go to a place for 3 months when all we've heard for the last several months is the need for long-term relationships and development to make any impact into a community. This is gonna be interesting.
.that i keep seeking God's will & presence in my life. it's easy to get distracted, and I want to use my time wisely.
